COVID-19 UPDATE: my Midtown Manhattan office is currently closed. I am available for online therapy sessions (for NY residents only) via a secure video platform.

If I had a nickel for every time I said “life is messy” in session, I would have many nickels and it would still be true.

The reality is just that – life is messy. The harder you try to control it, the harder it feels. It’s like trying to catch a firefly with your eyes closed or fish bare handed – some people (I don’t know any) can do it, but most of us can’t. And just because you can’t, doesn’t mean that you suck.

Life is messy – your career may not be where you want it, your love life may be a mess, your stress level may be through the roof, and yet the world keeps on turning.

So what to do?

Well, the way I see it there are two main options – fight or float.

Fighting comes naturally to many women – the almost innate sense that finding the right app, list making strategy or book will get everything back on track. That because you can fight on, you should. That immense amounts of struggle are part of life, and that you can relax when you have more money or the promotion comes through or you go on vacation.

Fighting may have served an important role at certain points in your life and that’s okay.

But there comes a point where fighting just doesn’t work anymore, when the natural messiness of life threatens to wash over your carefully constructed floodgates and Outlook reminders. Constantly fighting to tidy up all the messiness in your life can feel confining and exhausting. Notice how your breath and body feel when you think about the long to-do list you have waiting for you.

If that’s you, you may be wondering what to do now or how to be anyone but the strong, organized one. Not fighting doesn’t mean totally giving up and being passive.

Take a moment and remember when you learned how to float in water as a kid. For me, there was always this sense of my body being held by the water, while aware of gentle, almost unnoticeable rippling underneath.

Think about what it would be like to float instead of fight. Floating means being held in what’s already here. It allows opportunities to come to you, instead of fighting so hard that you live in a constant state of overwhelm.

What would it be like to accept the messiness and questions, and let go of the need to fix it all right now?

If you’re ready to learn how to float instead of fight, I’d love to hear from you!

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