COVID-19 UPDATE: my Midtown Manhattan office is currently closed. I am available for online therapy sessions (for NY residents only) via a secure video platform.

Self-care has become a buzzword in our society. Too tired? More self-care. Overwhelmed at work? More self-care. Feeling disconnected? More self-care.

Don’t get me wrong – self-care is a wonderful and important thing (and I do love my yoga classes, green juices, and long walks!). You may really need more of it in your life, and that’s perfectly okay.

But self-care is not always the answer.

Doing vs. Being

Have you had those days where self-care feels like one more thing on your to-do list? I know there are days when I feel like I should go to yoga class, but what I really want (and probably need) to do is go home, sit on the couch, and be still for a while.

There’s a big difference between doing and being.

Doing is an active state – often full of movement, effort, and hard work. Being is more about the practice of being present – sometimes it means just sitting still for a minute or having a good cry instead of soldiering through.

Being means literally being with yourself – the ultimate practice of mindfulness.

Take a moment and check in – how much of your self-care routine is reliant on doing things? How much of it feels like work?

The Voice in Your Head – or why Self-Talk Matters a Lot

How do you talk to yourself when you don’t make it to yoga class? Does the line “well, I really should…” come up a lot? Does the voice in your head feel harsh and judgmental or kind and understanding?

How you talk to yourself really makes a big difference.

You may feel that you motivate yourself by saying “come on, you lazy ass”, but let me ask you – would you talk to a friend like that? A co-worker? To someone you love?

How does it actually feel when you speak to yourself harshly? Notice what it feels like in your body after you say something harsh or unkind to yourself.

How would it feel to look in the mirror and say something nice to yourself? If you’re not sure what to say, try “You’re enough”, “You’ve done enough” or “I love you”.

Self-Love is the Basis of Self-Care

Self-love is about being kind and gentle to yourself – especially when you feel like you don’t deserve it.

Sometimes it’s about doing less, and sometimes it’s about doing in a different way.

Self-love is about pausing and checking in, and taking a moment to ask – “hey, what do I really need right now?” Be curious – the answer may not be what you expected at all.

Self-love needs to come before self-care – that way self-care becomes a way to nourish and care for yourself on a deep and intimate level, not just a thing that you should do.

Need more Self-Love in your life?

I love helping women feel better than “fine”, reduce the “shoulds”, and put themselves first. If you’re ready to make real changes in your life, let’s talk!


Schedule your free phone consultation today!