You can break the cycle.
Therapy for childhood trauma in NYC
& across NY
Though you’ve been an (over)achiever who has always tried to do the right thing, there’s often a sense of “not good enough” that keeps popping up. It happens at work, with your family, and in your friendships.
It’s hard to talk about, but you’ve carried a sense of shame for as long as you can remember.
Your inner critic is strong. You’re really good at beating yourself up and feeling responsible for, well, everything.
No matter what you do you always feel like the black sheep of your family. You can never quite escape their judgement.
And, you can never stop judging yourself either.
Would you be surprised to learn that these are all signs of what’s called developmental trauma or C-PTSD?
Developmental trauma is a form of childhood trauma that emerges from repeated patterns of mistreatment or neglect. Often thought of as “invisible” trauma, many people don’t realize that verbal abuse, intense criticism, and an unpredictable environment can really affect your mental health.
My clients often don’t recognize the scars left by developmental trauma because they associate “trauma” with particularly awful events (like a car accident or a rape or physical harm). You may point out all the ways your parents loved and cared for you (“I never lacked for anything” you might say), but you may also be aware of a sense that something was always missing.
You may say that “it wasn’t so bad,” even though you have lots of memories of living in fear of family members, always worried that you might be yelled at, spanked, or criticized.
It wasn’t about what happened but what didn’t happen — you don’t remember many (or any) moments of support, gentleness or patience.
As an adult, you find your purpose and satisfaction through helping others, but you often neglect yourself in the process. You stay small and second guess your impulses and desires because you never learned to trust yourself in that unstable world where you grew up.
You ignore your feelings like they were ignored by others when you were young.
You grew up without a true sense of security and belonging. That can show up as anxiety, depression, feelings of unworthiness, and shame today.
A Further Dimension: The Legacy of Intergenerational Trauma
In addition to the events of your own childhood, your family’s history and legacy also shapes who you are today.
The weight of what your family (parents, grandparents, and even further back) survived still affects your life. Events like the Holocaust, slavery, forced or voluntary migration, religious persecution and so much more can have a trickle-down effect into the generations.
The effects of intergenerational trauma can show up in so many ways: how you act in relationships, how you parent, how you process or ignore your emotions, what you believe about work and safety and money and so much more.
This response is often called intergenerational trauma. Your feelings and experiences are shaped by those who came before you and by what has been passed down to you.
Music Therapy Helps You Heal from Childhood & Intergenerational Trauma
Trauma robs you of your capacity to be playful. Trauma makes you feel stuck in “black or white” thinking and feeling, always ready to respond to the next danger or threat (your nervous system can’t tell the difference between harsh criticism or a tiger and keeps you stuck in fight or flight).
If your trauma comes from difficult childhood experiences, you may find it hard to improvise and be flexible in the face of adversity and stress.
Music therapy is inherently playful and creative. Finding songs that express all of your feelings and improvising with sound invites a sense of lightness, ease, and possibility into your healing process.
Music therapy can also help you feel grounded and calm (which may feel all too rare for you).
Music therapy for childhood trauma can help you explore and express all your feelings
Working together can help you move beyond just “living in your head” and offers new ways to feel comfortable in your body and with the full range of your emotions. This approach to therapy offers a unique, powerful way to work through issues related to negative self image, self-judgement, and shame.
When you incorporate music into therapy for childhood trauma, you discover new ways to explore and express all your feelings.
You may be used to living within the limits of what you were allowed to feel or share as a kid.
Part of recovering from childhood trauma relies on allowing yourself to experience your responses to what happened (and to what might still be happening) to you. It means learning to understand and trust your feelings, without being overwhelmed or ignoring them.
Allowing yourself to experience and fully express the anger, sadness, grief, loss, confusion, and the push and pull relationship dynamics that have been with you throughout your life, opens you to find a sense of authentic freedom.
You can make your own kind of peace with your family and with your past so you can move into the future with a greater confidence and a deep love for all that you are.
