Let's Start at the Beginning: Social & Emotional Learning, Part 1
Social and emotional learning has been in the news a lot lately. But what is, and why is it so important?
The Collaborative for Social and Emotional Learning, or CASEL, defines social and emotional learning as “the process through which children and adults acquire and effectively apply the knowledge, attitudes and skills necessary to understand and manage emotions, set and achieve positive goals, feel and show empathy for others, establish and maintain positive relationships, and make responsible decisions”.
Phew! That’s a mouthful, but I think we can agree that all of those skills are vital so kids can feel connected and aware, able to express themselves, and able to think critically.
It is hard for learning and relationships to flourish, whether in or out of the classroom, without these skills in place.
SEL skills can be further broken down into 5 areas: self-awareness, self-management, social awareness, relationship skills, and responsible decision making.
We all need those skills, and I’m sure many of us can think of adults in our lives who are lacking in some of those areas. So how can we – as therapists, parents, teachers, grandparents – help kids develop these skills?
I was privileged to speak on two panels recently about social and emotional learning, and how the arts can be helpful. (If you’re interested, you can listen to a recording of the second panel, where I spoke alongside 2 great art therapists, by clicking here).
The arts are great tools for developing social-emotional skills, since they are based on cooperative creativity and play. In order to successfully play music, improvise a skit, or paint a mural with others good self-awareness/management and relationship skills are a must.
But where to start?
I always like to encourage people to start small – and beginning with self awareness and management is key. It is difficult (or impossible) to develop skills in the other areas without first being self aware and knowing how to regulate your thoughts, emotions, and behaviors.
While speaking on the 2 panels, I was asked for my favorite advice for how adults (be they parents, teachers, therapists, or community volunteers) can help foster these skills. Now I’d like to pass these on to you.
Modeling is important; it doesn’t matter if the child is 2 or 12. If you take deep breaths with them, it’s much more likely that they’ll do it.
Take steps to increase your own self-awareness and regulation. It’s really hard to help a child regulate if you’re feeling anxious or frazzled all the time. Make sure you take time for your own self-care.
Name the emotions – both yours and theirs. If you’re frustrated, say it. If you’re sad, say it. Children get overwhelmed by feelings that they don’t understand or that they’ve noticed others tend to stifle.
Model “grit”. Resist distractions and work through frustrations, while remaining focused on long-term goals.
Find your pause button. Whatever helps you pause throughout the day and take a deep breath, that’s your “pause button”. It might be a certain song, 3 deep breaths, noticing how cool the water at the water fountain feels – whatever it is, find it and use it regularly. Then when you need to pause in stressful situations, that ability will be there for you.
Ask for help when you need it. This comes back to modeling (again!), but if we want the kids in our lives to ask for help, we need to do that as well.
Next week, I’ll be sharing about specific ways to use music to foster social-emotional learning, so stay tuned!
About the Author
Maya is a music therapist and psychotherapist in NYC and online throughout New York State. She specializes in helping women with anxiety, childhood/intergenerational trauma and those who are highly sensitive (HSP) feel good enough, learn how to express their feelings without overwhelm, and show up in calm and confident ways in their work and relationships.
If you’re interested in working with Maya, you can learn more here or schedule your free phone consultation here.
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