Anxiety Wants You to Be Stuck: How to Find Emotional, Physical, and Mental Flexibility
Anxiety Wants You to Be Stuck: How to Find Emotional, Physical, and Mental Flexibility
Anxiety lives in your body. In fact, there’s a good chance right now that your shoulders are tense, your stomach is tight and you’re probably clenching your jaw.
You’re not alone.
Anxiety holds us in a rigid preparation for “fight or flight”. It’s ready if you need to jump into action, run from danger, or protect yourself. Sometimes that’s necessary. Certainly it was needed for our ancestors so they didn’t become the saber toothed tiger’s lunch. But, in modern times, these heightened cortisol levels often keep you stuck in anxiety when you don’t need to be.
Anxiety becomes habitual and familiar, even when it’s not comfortable.
And it doesn’t just live in your body.
Anxiety is in your thoughts too. You probably notice it in the repetitive thoughts that keep you up at night and keep you playing out the worst possible outcomes in your head. Perhaps you get caught between the extremes of imagining everything will be disastrous or dreaming that it’s all going to be perfect (and then assuming everything is a failure if it doesn’t turn out exactly right).
I often work with my clients around figuring out what’s in the “gray space” in between two extreme “black or white” options. The idea that there might be a middle ground between the two poles might feel impossible to believe.
It’s hard to imagine being adaptable because, by its very nature, anxiety usually isn’t flexible. It thrives off of you locking down and making you believe you must choose one or the other.
Anxiety is just trying to protect you and help you, but sometimes it can go overboard.
Breaking Free from Anxiety & Expectation, and Taking the Path toward Flexibility & Inspiration
Recently, my husband, our dog, and I went hiking upstate. It was just what my nervous system needed. We were going to do a rather intense hike that's been on my list for a while, but we had both recently recovered from Covid and were still a bit tired.
We decided to try an easier hike, and I tried to put aside my disappointment at “not doing the thing” to try to just enjoy the day.
Imagine my surprise when what I thought would just be a simple stroll through the woods turned into this.
The energy of the river and rocks and open sky was so inspiring.
The trail followed the river for a while, complete with huge, sunworn rocks to sit on and refreshing pools of water for Willis to wade in.
Because I couldn't do the hike I had planned on, I was pretty convinced that my backup choice would suck. I was so convinced that deviating from my original plan would be a disaster that I couldn’t even imagine that everything would be fine – or better than fine.
After this experience I’m holding on these reminders, which speak to both my over-planner part & my anxious part:
You can’t plan everything perfectly
Sometimes a positive outcome will surprise you
Flexibility can bring unexpected results
Flexibility can feel good – in your body and in your mind
Your anxiety isn’t always right about the outcome
Anxiety wants you to believe that there is only one option - but that isn’t true.
Next time you find yourself - and your anxiety - judging the path before you, try this:
Instead of believing the negative story your anxiety is telling you or trying to totally flip the script and force yourself to believe it's all going to be perfect, try finding an “okay-enough” option. This is the middle ground.
What would “okay-enough” look like, sound like, feel like?
Struggling with anxiety and rigid thinking? Music therapy can help
Of course, anxiety becomes the habit of a lifetime and it can take more than asking yourself a few revealing questions and saying you're committed to the "okay-enough" path to get unstuck from rigid thinking and develop new patterns.
If you’re finding that your anxiety is keeping you stuck, know that you’re not alone. Anxiety can become familiar to your body and mind, and it can take some focused work to understand where it comes from and how to soothe it.
I’d love to help you understand the source of your anxiety, learn how to soothe your tense nervous system, and move from rigidity to flexibility. Music therapy can help you connect to your mind and body in a deeper way than talking alone. We might draw the anxiety as a way to experience it from a distance, connect with calmness through a specific piece of music, or use simple humming techniques to soothe your frazzled nervous system.
If you’re interested in working together, you can learn more about me here and schedule your free intro call here. Sessions are available in my NYC office and online for those located in New York State.
I look forward to connecting with you soon!
About the Author
Maya is a music therapist and psychotherapist in NYC and online throughout New York State.
She enjoys helping people with anxiety learn to soothe their overwhelmed nervous systems, understand the roots of their repetitive anxiety spirals and consistently feel more calm and confident. As a person with her own anxiety story, she understands how challenging it can be to break free from repetitive anxious thoughts and how good it can feel to loosen that chronic knot in your chest.
If you’re interested in working with Maya, you can get your frequently asked questions answered or schedule your free phone consultation here.
You don’t have to stay stuck - it’s time to reclaim your rhythm.