Music Shaped You as a Creative Kid. Music Therapy Can Heal You as an Anxious Adult.
Music Shaped You as a Creative Kid.
Music Therapy Can Heal You as an Anxious Adult.
.
You grew up around a lot of music. Maybe you played in the band, took piano lessons, or had parents who blasted show tunes all the time.
Music can show up in families in a lot of different ways. Over the years though, I’ve noticed two major themes that emerge both in my own life and in the lives of a lot of my clients: music is a source of joy and connection; music is associated with perfectionism and performance.
My parents are both musical and, for them, music has always been about joy and connection. When I was young, I assumed that every house always had music on. Only later did I realize that my mom was unique in that she turned on the stereo the moment she walked in the door, often before she took her coat off. Childhood was full of nights of singing, guitar playing, and sharing favorite songs.
On the other side of the coin, music as perfectionism and performance, my maternal grandfather was a synagogue cantor and frustrated opera singer. (The need to escape Europe in the late 1930s dashed his hopes of finding fame on the opera stage.)
Music may have also brought him some joy and connection, but what I remember most vividly was the way music seemed to allow him to step into a performing persona. In this way, it was as if music was best enjoyed and experienced at a distance.
Do these early experiences with music resonate for you?
Perhaps your family valued music as a form of joy and connection. Or perhaps your parents, or others in your childhood, put unwanted pressure on you. Maybe you had to take piano lessons when you didn’t want to or were forced to practice for hours a day. Perhaps you felt pushed to be the best soloist or get accepted to an elite summer conservatory.
Regardless of your past experience of music, either positive or challenging, you find that you now feel distant from music. You long to feel connected to it as a source of joy and comfort and energy. You miss it.
You know that music can open up a space of creativity and play for you. You’ve felt that before – even if you had to navigate around the pressures of others’ expectations, auditions, and the like.
You want to feel that creativity and connection again.
3 ways to begin reconnecting with music
1. Find a song you loved when you were a kid or teen and just listen to it.
Let yourself be really present. See if you can listen without also scrolling on social media or loading the dishwasher.
If possible, let yourself connect to the music. Sing along, dance badly, whatever helps you connect.
Pause. Notice any feelings that may have come up for you.
If it felt weird in any way, that’s good! Though it’s potentially uncomfortable, a “weird feeling” is a sign that something different happened – and that’s where change and reclaiming can begin.
2. Notice your daily rhythms.
Rhythm is a part of our daily lives - the way we move, breathe, walk, talk all has a rhythm. Our internal rhythms can also be impacted by external ones (traffic, cranky kids, shorter or longer days).
Really, anything - including anxiety, our interactions with others, anger - can have a sense of rhythm. And, when you can’t find the rhythm, it’s often a sign of stuckness, stagnation, or disconnection. Sensing a lack of rhythm can give you vital insight into a situation or dynamic.
Take a moment to think about your daily rhythm. You can tap it on your leg (or a drum!), or even make dashes on a piece of paper. Is your rhythm fast? Slow? Somewhere in between? Does it stay pretty consistent or change a lot? Would you rather it be different in some way or does it feel pretty comfortable right now?
Reclaiming your rhythm is not a one-time thing, but something you will do over and over.
3. Choose a new piece of music.
Would you like to feel more energized? Or calmer and less anxious? Music can impact our nervous system and energy in simple and profound ways.
I’ve been consciously rediscovering music as a tool for myself lately. I intentionally choose to listen to certain songs or pieces when I know I need to connect to a certain energy. Sometimes, I go for music that inspires movement and vitality. At other times, I reach for sounds that inspire me to slow down and get grounded.My current “I need more energy” go-tos: “Pick Up The Pieces” (Average White Band) & “Hooked on a Feeling” (Blue Swede)
And my peaceful slowing go-tos: “look up” (Joy Oladokun) & “The Sad Song” (Fredo Viola)
These particular songs may not work for you. Take a moment to imagine a song or instrumental piece that helps you connect to energy and a song to help you slow down. Give yourself permission to spend time searching for a song. (Any genre, style, artist – it’s all fair game!)
You might find that the act of simply scrolling through song titles takes you back to the days when you looked through your stack of CDs. Retrieving that memory can offer you a powerful reconnection to the younger version of you, the one who was so lit up by the power of music.
So, what’s next? How music can help you grow & heal now
You’ve let yourself reconnect to a meaningful piece of music from your childhood or teen years. You’ve remembered how music shaped your identity. You’ve taken a moment to check in on how you’re feeling in this moment, from a musical and rhythmic perspective. You’ve explored a new piece of music to help you feel more energized or calmer.
These glimmers of reconnection are a great beginning. What else might be possible?
I love helping my clients reconnect to the creative kid inside them. Reclaiming that energy helps folks bring more confidence and ease to their daily lives.
Music therapy can help you understand your feelings more deeply and help you express your emotions without getting overwhelmed. You can learn how to calm your nervous system, gently and effectively both inside and outside of our sessions.
Often taking you further than talk therapy alone, music therapy can help you connect with your body and your feelings in a creative and meaningful way. It enables you to revive the creativity that has always been inside of you. You can heal the sense of disconnection and anxiety that have kept you feeling stuck for a long time.
If you’re interested in how music therapy can help you, I invite you to schedule a free phone consultation now.
About the Author
Maya is a music therapist and psychotherapist in NYC and online throughout New York State.
She deeply enjoys working with people who would like to reconnect with their inner creative, musical kid as a way to work through anxiety, childhood trauma, and high sensitivity (HSP).
If you’re interested in working with Maya, you can learn more here or schedule your free phone consultation here.
You don’t have to stay stuck - it’s time to reclaim your rhythm.